It is often quite easy - and I am guilty of this - to remember that some people can't cook. I don't mean that they are not of a sufficient standard that cooking for more than two is out of the question, but they really don't have any of the basics nailed down at all, and will end up burning the salad.
So to those who can't, to those who struggle, to those who don't believe they can do it, and to anyone who knows they can always learn something (I am still learning), pease follow me and step into the DWC Kitchen.
The Rule of Five
Six or more ingredients? Forget it. Why make things more difficult for yourself; keep it like your sister's kid - simple.
That said with the Rule of Five, you can automatically discount any ingredient that falls under 'seasoning'. Even you know that most recipes have salt and pepper in them, so we don't count them.
There is a caveat to this rule though in regards to seasoning. If the recipe requires you to do anything more than "add a pinch of XXX" then it is asking far too much of you. Remove husks, pan fry, then grind, then blend - what is this? An episode of Masterchef?
The Five P's
See? We even avoid six or more with rule titles. Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
This is an incredibly simple one: weigh everything out, and get everything ready before you start to (burn) cook anything, so when it comes to the bit that asks you to simmer something for one minute before adding whatever, you won't be flapping around because the whatever bit is right there waiting for you.
Segregation
Has no place in society, but it absolutely does when it comes to ingredients. Keep meat away from non-meat, and keep cooked meat away from uncooked meat.
In a professional kitchen it is more complicated than that, but for you? You really needn't concern yourself with any of that beyond the meat bit. The most important part is the uncooked meat - it shouldn't come into contact with anything, and you should use a separate chopping board for it. If you only have one board, then wash it thoroughly before using it for anything else. Yes, this also applies to fish before you ask.
Yeah, I'm Hot Baby
Sorry, but this is where Celsius beats Fahrenheit hands down for its simplicity, and this is what you need to remember (all at sea level, and yeah, I'll include F as well, because I am nice like that):
100c/212f - Boiling
74c/165f - Cooked
21c/70f - Room Temperature
3c/37f - Fridge Temperature
0c/32f - Frozen
-15c/5f - Freezer Temperature
There are other temperatures but you don't need to know about them right now. Unless ... are you about to temper chocolate? Oh, in that case you definitely don't need to know other temperatures.
Danger, Will Robinson!
You are about to set foot in the most deadly room in the home ... actually you're not because that would be the bathroom, but your kitchen can be quite dangerous. This is why you need to keep things simple so you don't panic. Yes, I do trust you, and I know 'you got this girlfriend' but professional chefs injure themselves all the time, so you definitely will at some point.
Firestarter
If ya burnt it (weren't paying attention were ya?), chances are it's ruined. It might be salvageable, but that bad smell will probably be in the food even if you remove the burnt bits. Either redo that bit again, or cry a bit and then order takeaway.
Again, when you become a better cook there will be times where burning will be a thing you will want/need to do. But that time is not now, trust me on that.
My Cousin's Friend's Grandmother ...
Unless she was Eugénie Brazier (go look her up), I don't care. You are learning so don't go filling your head with utter nonsense from someone purporting to be all kitchen things knowledgeable. The woman is like a hundred years old and thinks Roosevelt is still President.
Time Waits For No Man? I Am All Woman!
Take your time. This is not a competition or a race; it will not be the end of the World if it takes you a little longer - with that in mind, if it has taken you seven hours to make pancakes, then maybe, perhaps, we need a rethink - less haste, more speed.
Know Your Limits!
Yes, I am fully aware that you are competitive, and therefore holding you back from greatness, 'and if Suzanne thinks she is better than me then she can just f-'.
Often, the simplest of dishes can be spectacular; remember those home cooked meals you had as a kid? The kitchen didn't look like a bomb had gone off, did it? And those aromas! You and your belly was happy, wasn't it?
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