Dr. Angela Downey on The Authenticity Shift: Moving from Proving My Worth to Trusting Myself

When I look back on the first chapter of my adult life, I can see just how hard I was trying to prove myself.

I failed my first year of university—GPA of 1.8, one of those wake-up calls that leaves you questioning everything. From there, I pivoted and became an accountant. It was practical. Respectable. A way to show I could turn things around. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t what I truly wanted.

I had dreamt of becoming a doctor since I was young. That dream felt impossible after my failure and my family continued to convince me that “people like us don’t become doctors”. That dream became even more impossible once I became a mum. But the pull never left me.

When my daughter was one, I was made redundant from my accounting job. That was the moment I had to ask myself: Why not? Why not become a doctor? Why can’t I invest in what I truly want? Are the excuses I keep making really serving me—or just keeping me small?

So I applied to get my science degree at the age of 26 and later got into medicine. This ‘why not’ moment kicked off the hardest, most transformational chapter of my life—with two young children in tow.

Running on Empty

For years, I was running on sheer willpower. Medical school, parenting, proving I could “do it all.” I carried so much guilt—about missing school concerts, not having enough energy for bedtime stories, about being “selfish” for chasing my dream.

People questioned my choices. Teachers told me I was putting my education ahead of my children’s future. A family member asked why I wasn’t fulfilled just being a mother. Internally, I was wrestling with the belief that I had to do everything perfectly—motherhood, marriage, medicine—or I was failing.

And so I kept pushing. Until I burned out.

The first wave of burnout hit in med school. I ignored it, pushed through. The second wave came later as a practising physician, juggling my career, my family, my patients—while trying to be everything to everyone. This time, I couldn’t ignore it. My body shut me down, I hit a wall physically. My nervous system was fried from being on constant overload. I felt hollow inside.

Discovering Codependency

Through therapy and deep reflection, I realised that underneath the perfectionism, underneath the endless guilt, was something deeper: codependency.

I had spent most of my life outsourcing my worth—trying to earn approval, avoid disappointing others, and manage their emotions at the expense of my own well-being. If someone needed me, I showed up—even if it meant abandoning myself. If someone was upset, I took it on as my responsibility. If someone complimented me, it gave me a fleeting sense of value—but left me craving more.

I had been living my life trying to be “enough” in everyone else’s eyes—without ever asking what I truly wanted or needed.

The Shift

What changed everything for me was what I now call The Authenticity Shift. At first, it wasn’t some grand epiphany. It was learning to pause. To listen to my body—especially my stomach, where I tend to feel tension. I started to notice when I was about to say yes out of guilt or obligation, not genuine desire.

In those moments, I began asking:

Is this choice aligned with my values and who I want to be?

Am I saying yes to stay liked, or because this is truly right for me?

What would it feel like to choose based on trust, not fear?

This small practice changed my life. I stopped giving automatic yeses. I stopped over-explaining my boundaries. I began trusting myself to disappoint others when needed—without sacrificing my own well-being. The shift wasn’t about becoming selfish. It was about honouring myself. About living from my own truth, not a need to prove or perform.

What I’ve Learnt

Today, I’m a family doctor, host of The Codependent Doctor Podcast, and author of Enough As I Am—a guided workbook to help others untangle from guilt, perfectionism, and self-abandonment. I still get it wrong sometimes. The pull toward proving my worth runs deep. But now, I have tools—and more importantly, I have trust in myself.

If I could offer one thing to women reading this, it would be this: Your body knows. Pay attention to the cues—tightness, exhaustion, that pit in your stomach. These are invitations to pause and realign with your truth.

You are allowed to want more. You are allowed to set boundaries. You are allowed to be imperfect and still enough.

The world doesn’t need more women setting themselves on fire to keep others warm. It needs more women rooted in authenticity—who know they are worthy, not because of what they do, but because of who they are.

That is the shift I’m still making. And it’s the shift I hope more of us will embrace—one choice, one pause, one breath at a time.