We met on social media through mutual friends. I knew who he was but to be honest, he wasn’t on my radar at all, and I didn’t have much interaction with him. But I noticed that he had been very supportive of my social media content so one day, I wrote him a message thanking him for being so kind and encouraging. Then we started to communicate.
It was fun to have someone to talk with, especially over shared interests. This became a daily communication and the connection grew. It was lovely to be able to share your day; the ups and downs and wins and losses. It was appealing and addicting. I tried not to engage in the flirtation, at first. But he told me how magnetic my energy was and how attractive he found me and my personality. He became too hard to resist. And before I knew it, I was checking my phone for his texts and phone calls, which came quite furious and frequently.
And now I was hooked. I knew I should be more careful with my heart. It had been broken way too many times and I couldn’t let a man take me off my focus. I was in my 40s and my head knew better. I was working on my latest children’s book and working on my coaching business. But my heart still longed for it all. And the effect the masculine can have on you is strong, especially when you feel your heart and body come alive from his words and his voice. It’s intoxicating.
He filled me with such hope and belief in the future. He would take care of me, protect me, even move to where I was. I knew it seemed too good to be true but that part of me that longed for that melted with every word. There weren’t any promises made and yet I felt like this all could come true.
After a while, he started to call and text less. They’ve always told us when that happens that “he’s just not that into you.” I got the hint, so I backed off as well, not wanting to be annoying. But he seemed confused why I was messaging him less. He enjoyed hearing from me and even though he had a hard time sending me messages and he was busy with work, he still wanted to hear from me.
I tried. I love encouraging people, and I know it can help fuel us, especially when we are dealing with a lot. But after a while, I felt like I was talking to a wall. I also need reciprocation. It isn’t a lot of fun just sending messages and not hearing back. And because we weren’t in the same city, this was the only way we could connect. I told him I hoped we could communicate more.
And then the messages and calls became more infrequent. And then they just stopped. I was wondering what was going on and I was trying to be as patient as I could, but I needed communication. I wanted to understand.
Then he became a ghost. I was confused and angry. And sad and heartbroken. Even though deep down, I knew we really were not compatible, and it wasn’t going to work out, it broke me. But only for a time.
I allowed myself to feel and cry for a few days. I am capable of healing so much faster now than I used to be. And I realized what had happened. He love bombed me for months. Then ghosted me. Like nothing had happened. With no explanation.
Now, I know he had his own issues. He shared a lot with me, and I knew it was hard for him to communicate and keep up with everything. I have a lot of compassion and understanding for what people go through and what might be hard for them. I can understand, to a point. Yet explanations are not excuses for behaviours and for hurting others.
How I longed for closure. And yet I knew I probably wouldn’t get it. I knew that I had to find closure within myself. That meant learning to be ok with what was and letting go of this need to understand and to be understood. Was it easy? Hell no. But it gets easier the more I practice.
Do I resent him? At times. It’s painful to go through the emotional turmoil. To be told you are a part of someone’s life and then to just not exist at all. And yet I’m so grateful. Because this situation gave me an opportunity to see where I continue to have blockages in my life and where I still need healing. I realized that I still look for validation from men because of these underlying beliefs that I’m not good enough.
So, this is now my time to rise and validate myself. To know that I have the power within me to become stronger and know that I’m a wonderful and awesome woman who does not need anyone else’s validation. It also gave me an opportunity to overcome the pain and heartache a lot quicker than in the past. I allowed myself to feel and cry. But then I got right back up because I am even stronger now. I took my power back. And I know that the next time a man tries to love bomb me again, I will protect my heart even more.
If I could say one thing to him now, it would be this: thank you for helping me see how strong I am and to know that I can rescue myself for I am powerful ALL ON MY OWN.
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