Laetitia Felix On Healing After Miscarriage: My Letter to My Spirit Baby Mateo

A personal letter after my missed miscarriage at 45

Trigger note: This piece describes pregnancy loss. If you’re reading after loss, be gentle with yourself.

As I recently shared in DWC, this year, at 45, I faced one of the hardest chapters of my fertility journey: losing my baby at 10 weeks.

This loss felt different from my previous ones. There was a heartbeat, and a deep, unmistakable connection with this little boy. I conceived naturally, which felt like a second miracle. Even though the outcome was heartbreak, I am profoundly grateful to my body. The mindset and healing work I had done helped me recover in a healthier way than before, but what I did not expect was the depth of grief and the places where it would break me.

I refer to him as a baby boy because that was my intuition, later confirmed by a baby-spirit medium—a recognition that felt deeply aligned with the connection I had already sensed.

My letter to him

My baby boy,

I decided to name you Mateo because I felt you so strongly, and it was important to me.

Even though you were with me for such a short time, I felt you so clearly and deeply. Your presence was soothing and beautiful. It was the first time I had ever experienced such a connection so early.

My mother’s heart loved you from the very first second I knew you were there. You were so wanted. I dreamed of you, pictured you in my arms, and imagined the moment I would tell your sister about you.

Everything felt aligned—my body, the timing, the small signs that seemed like whispers from the universe. I was grateful every day that my prayers had been answered. You felt gentle and yet so present.

When I lost you, I simply did not believe it at first… it had to be some mistake? I still felt you so close—how could it be otherwise? My body kept showing pregnancy signs; I felt fine in every way.

What happened next was the hardest. How do you ask your body to let go of someone who already lives inside you? How do you say goodbye? No mother should ever be in this position, and yet I felt powerless and hopeless at that point.

It took time to move through shock and denial into numbness, anger, deep sadness, and eventually, acceptance.

Any mother will understand how deep this love is. No matter how long or short your time with me, you are now part of me forever.

Despite everything, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for our connection and the deep love.
Thank you for coming, even if only for a short while—you made me feel alive and at peace.
Thank you for whispering to me that your soul’s purpose was not to live earthside, but to guide me. To teach me. To awaken me and your dad to a new emotional awareness, and to open a channel within me to the spirit-baby realm I had not fully been able to access before.

You will always be in my heart, and I know we will connect again.

I love you always,
Your mum

What is a spirit baby?

A spirit baby is the soul of a child who connects with us from the spirit realm—sometimes long before conception, sometimes during pregnancy, and often after a loss. Parents may sense them in dreams, through signs, or in quiet moments of knowing. Even if we don’t always feel that connection, these little souls are still with us, choosing their parents and guiding us in ways beyond the physical.

I connected with my daughter’s soul long before she was born, through meditation and signs. That experience helped me gain a deeper understanding of my other losses, including this recent one.

If you are experiencing a loss, or have done so in the past, I am deeply sorry. Please know you are not alone. It is important to give yourself time to grieve, to reach out for support when you need it, and to move gently through your healing journey.