I’m getting married next month to a man I love deeply. He’s kind, thoughtful, and we’ve built a beautiful life together. But there’s something that’s been quietly bothering me.
He still wears his wedding ring from his previous marriage. He and his ex-wife have been divorced for three years and separated for seven, yet the ring remains firmly on his finger. I’ve never quite had the courage to bring it up, but with our wedding around the corner, I can’t ignore the way it makes me feel anymore.
Is it unreasonable for this to upset me? And how do I even begin to talk to him about it without sounding insecure?
Kindred Keri says:
Oh, sweetheart. First, let me hold your heart gently in mine for a moment—because I can hear just how much you love him, and how carefully you’re trying to protect the beautiful connection you share.
Let me reassure you: your feelings are not only valid, but incredibly human. You are about to step into one of life’s most sacred chapters, and naturally, you long to feel like every symbol, every gesture, and every word reflects that commitment in full. A wedding ring, after all, isn’t just jewellery—it’s a quiet promise worn daily, a declaration of love, loyalty, and moving forward together.
It’s perfectly understandable that seeing him wear a token from his past marriage might stir up questions or even a sense of unease. Not because you’re jealous or insecure, but because you're stepping into this with your whole heart. It’s not about the ex—it’s about wanting a clean page to write your story on.
So how do you tell him? Gently. Kindly. Honestly.
Perhaps over a quiet moment together, you could say something like:
"I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something that's been on my heart. I know your past is a part of you, and I deeply respect that. But as we prepare to build a new life together, I’ve realised that seeing you still wear your old wedding ring is something I struggle with. It makes me feel a little uncertain, and I want to go into our marriage with open hearts and clear intentions. Can we talk about it?"
Chances are, he may not even realise how deeply this has affected you. Men often hold onto things like rings without attaching the same emotional symbolism we might. He may be wearing it out of habit, or as a way to honour a chapter that shaped him, not out of any lingering attachment.
But this moment—your moment—is sacred too. And you deserve to feel chosen, cherished, and unshadowed.
Let this be a conversation that brings you closer, not apart. Trust that love can handle truth, even tender truth. And remember: the most enduring relationships aren’t built on pretending things don’t hurt—they’re built on the courage to say, “This matters to me,” and the grace to listen when it’s said.
You are not asking too much. You are asking for a fresh beginning—and that is a beautiful, brave thing.
