Leticia R. Francis on When Struggle Feels Safer Than Peace

Why Your Mind Fights Your Healing

Let’s get uncomfortable.

Because we need to talk about what healing really requires—and it’s not more self-help books.

If you’ve left the toxic relationship, the dead-end job, the chaos-filled environment… but still find yourself feeling unsafe, stuck, or sabotaging your joy, this is for you.

The truth no one wants to say out loud? Your nervous system doesn’t care that you’re finally safe. It only cares about what feels familiar.

So even when life gets better—when it gets softer, more peaceful, less chaotic—you may find yourself rejecting it. Not because you’re broken. But because your mind has been programmed for survival.

Let me break this down:

Your brain is a pattern-seeking machine. It’s constantly looking for what feels normal—not what’s healthy, what’s familiar.

So if you spent years in survival mode, walking on eggshells, managing chaos, earning your worth through performance, guess what feels normal to your brain?

Struggle. Overwhelm. Self-abandonment. Proving yourself. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And anything that doesn’t match those patterns—like rest, ease, joy, or genuine intimacy—will feel uncomfortable or even dangerous.

That’s why so many high-achieving women find themselves repeating the same damn cycles. Leaving one toxic boss for another. Ending a draining relationship only to start another. Building a life that looks “successful” but still feels like drowning.

Because your subconscious is running the show. And here’s the kicker: survival mode rewires your brain.

When you’ve lived through trauma—whether that’s childhood neglect, emotional abuse, or high-functioning burnout—your brain adapts. It creates shortcuts. It becomes hypersensitive to threat.

And those shortcuts become default settings. It’s like a GPS that only has one route programmed: survive. Not thrive. Not rest. Not receive. Just survive.

So when life offers you something different—when someone shows up for you, when peace enters the room, when joy becomes an option—your subconscious goes:

“This is unfamiliar. This must be unsafe. Abort mission.”

That’s why knowledge isn’t enough. You can read all the books, attend all the workshops, binge all the podcasts… and still go back to the same cycles.

Because healing isn’t intellectual. It’s neurological. You don’t just need information. You need reprogramming.

That means challenging the internal scripts that survival mode wrote for you:

“If I don’t do it all, everything will fall apart.”

“If I rest, I’m lazy.”

“If I need someone, they’ll disappoint me.”

“If I show emotion, I’ll lose control.”

“If I stop performing, I’ll be abandoned.”

Let me be clear: these aren’t personality traits. They’re trauma responses in disguise. Reprogramming your mind starts with disrupting the lie. Every time you hear your inner voice say “I can’t”, pause. Challenge it.

Because 9 times out of 10, “I can’t” is code for “this is unfamiliar, and unfamiliar feels unsafe.”

Here’s what that disruption might look like:

“I can’t set that boundary” → “I’ve never done this before, but I’m learning to protect my peace.”

“I don’t deserve rest” → “Rest is my birthright. I do not have to earn it.”

“I’ll never heal” → “I’m not stuck. I’m becoming.”

You have to talk back to the voice that’s trying to keep you small. Not with toxic positivity. Not with fake confidence. But with grounded, gentle truth.

Your words are the script your brain follows. Let that sink in. The language you use—out loud and in your mind—isn’t just descriptive. It’s prescriptive.

Your subconscious is listening to every word you say. And it doesn’t filter sarcasm, fear, or old beliefs. It takes them as facts.

So when you say, “I’m just not good at relationships,” or “I always mess things up,” or “I guess this is just who I am,”

Your brain goes: “Got it. Locking that in. Will repeat as instructed.”

Reprogramming means speaking what you want to believe, not what fear has taught you to expect. Let’s be real: this won’t feel natural at first. Because your trauma-trained brain will fight your healing.

It will tell you that peace is boring. That ease means laziness. That rest is unsafe. That softness is weakness. It will sabotage good things before they feel “too good to be true.” It will search for chaos because chaos is predictable.

This isn’t because you’re weak.

It’s because your brain has never been taught another way. But the good news? You can retrain it.

Here’s how to begin:

Awareness: Start by noticing your automatic thoughts. Don’t judge them—just observe.

Interrupt: When the old script plays, interrupt it. You can say (out loud if needed): “That’s the old me talking.”

Replace: Choose a new statement that feels like a stretch, but not a lie.
Example: “I’m learning to believe I am safe without struggle.”

Repeat: Repetition creates familiarity. Familiarity creates safety. Safety creates transformation.

Regulate: Your nervous system must believe what your mind is saying. Practise grounding, breathwork, or gentle movement while repeating new affirmations.

Healing is not about doing more. It’s about feeling safe with less—less noise, less chaos, less urgency.

So let me ask you…

What have you been calling “normal” that’s actually just familiar dysfunction?
What beliefs are you carrying that belong to the woman you’re outgrowing?
What would it feel like to expect ease, instead of preparing for pain?

This is where your power lives.

Not in pushing harder. Not in proving yourself. But in rewiring your mind to accept joy without fear, love without panic, rest without guilt.

You weren’t created to live in constant defence mode. You weren’t born just to survive emotional landmines. You weren’t meant to be in fight-or-flight every time something good happens.

You were created for joy. For expansion. For freedom. For deep, soul-level peace.

But your brain won’t believe that unless you start telling it so.

So today, I dare you to speak to yourself like someone worth healing.

Because you are.
And the survival script?
It ends with you.