Michelle Wollaston On How St Teresa of Ávila’s Interior Castle Helps You Set Emotional Boundaries

In 1577, a Carmelite nun named Teresa of Ávila wrote a book that has outlived centuries. The Interior Castle wasn’t a set of rules or rituals. It was a map — a way of describing the soul’s journey inward towards wholeness and union with the Divine. She imagined the soul as a castle made of crystal, with seven “mansions” or dwelling places. Each mansion represented a stage of growth, moving from the distractions of the outer world towards deeper interior freedom and peace.

Teresa’s map matters because it gave language to something universal: healing doesn’t happen all at once. It happens in stages. And each stage brings its own struggles.

I didn’t know Teresa’s words when I was younger, but I know what it feels like to live in the outer mansions. That’s where the noise of other people’s expectations drowns out your own voice. That’s where broken boundaries leave you saying yes when you mean no. That’s where you confuse survival with strength and convince yourself that keeping the peace is more important than telling the truth.

For me, those early mansions looked like years of accepting less than I needed — not only in relationships, but in the way I managed family dynamics I didn’t yet have the tools to navigate. As a child and young woman, I didn’t know how to set boundaries with adults. I tolerated behaviours and silenced my needs because I didn’t yet understand another way. Later, that same pattern carried into friendships, work environments, and eventually a long-term partnership marked by criticism, control, and abuse. Teresa would say I was circling the outer rooms of the castle, mistaking movement for progress.

The turning point came when I began to realise that no amount of external change could move me inward. A new job, a fresh environment, even moving house or shifting circumstances would not make the difference I was looking for.

What changed was when I began to build boundaries that honoured me in every area of my life. It was uncomfortable. It meant facing grief and anger I had buried for years. It meant acknowledging that keeping certain family dynamics intact at all costs was not strength but a way of embedding the same broken patterns for the next generation. It meant recognising where friendships and connections had become one-sided. Most of all, it meant no longer abandoning myself just to make others comfortable. That was the work that allowed me to step into the next mansion and cross a threshold where I could finally see myself clearly.

And here’s the triumph: boundaries don’t just change relationships — they change everything. They move you from the outer rooms, where life is reactive and noisy, into the quieter spaces where you can actually hear yourself. They bring you closer to the centre of your own soul. That’s where peace lives — not in the furniture you move, or the papers you sign, but in the deep inner rooms where you stop abandoning yourself.

St Teresa’s map may have been written almost 450 years ago, but its wisdom is timeless. You don’t have to be a nun or a mystic to understand it. You only have to ask yourself: Where am I standing in my own interior castle? Am I still pacing the outer rooms, repeating old patterns? Or am I ready to take one step inward?

The beauty of Teresa’s map is that it isn’t about racing to the centre. It’s about recognising where you are and then choosing what comes next. You can’t skip mansions. You have to walk the journey inward. But every step you take towards the centre is a step away from repeating the same story — and a step towards the peace that was waiting for you all along.

Your Reflection

St Teresa’s wisdom reminds us that the soul’s journey inward isn’t about speed. It’s about honesty. It’s about knowing where you are standing today and choosing the next small step that brings you closer to your centre.

So I invite you to pause for a moment: Where are you in your own interior castle? Are you still pacing the noisy outer rooms, or are you ready to take a step inward towards the quiet that waits within?

If you’d like support in making that journey, my free resource Come Home to the Woman Within is a beautiful place to begin. It’s designed to help you reconnect with your voice, your strength, and the woman you were never meant to leave behind — your own map back to yourself.