I'm a 33-year-old stay-at-home mom, and my 33-year-old neighbor and I have been friends for over a year. Sometimes we help each other out with our kids. Recently, I've been babysitting her 9-year-old daughter for free because her daycare is closed. However, her husband often comes home but doesn't pick up their daughter for hours. They've asked me to babysit again, but I'm unsure how to say no without causing tension. I feel like they might be taking advantage, but I don't want to make things awkward. How do I set boundaries without upsetting them?
Kindred Keri says:
First off, it’s wonderful that you’ve been such a supportive friend and neighbour. It’s clear you have a kind heart and a genuine desire to help, but it’s equally important to recognize when your generosity is being stretched too thin.
Setting boundaries is crucial, not just for your own well-being, but also for maintaining healthy relationships. The key here is to approach the situation with honesty and kindness.
Start by acknowledging the friendship and how much you value the mutual support you’ve shared. Then, gently but firmly express that while you’ve been happy to help, you’re finding it challenging to continue babysitting as frequently due to your own responsibilities. You could say something like:
“Hey [Neighbour's Name], I’ve really enjoyed spending time with [Daughter’s Name] and helping out, but I’m finding that I need to focus more on my own schedule and commitments. I’m happy to babysit occasionally, but I won’t be able to do it as often as before.”
If you’re comfortable, you could offer to help in other ways that don’t require as much of your time or suggest they explore alternative childcare options.
It’s natural to worry about causing tension, but true friends will understand your need to prioritize your own time and energy. By being honest and upfront, you’re not only protecting your own boundaries but also setting a precedent for open and respectful communication.
Wishing you the best of luck in this delicate conversation.
