I recently discovered a devastating secret that has left me feeling completely betrayed and heartbroken. My mother, whom I thought I could trust with anything, hid a large sum of inheritance money left to me by my late father.
I had no idea it existed until a few weeks ago when I found old bank statements and legal documents buried in the back of her closet while cleaning out her house.
When I confronted her, she admitted that she’d kept it from me because she thought I was “too young to manage it.” What’s worse is she confessed to spending it all over the years on things like vacations, renovations, and “unexpected expenses.” This wasn’t just a few hundred dollars—it was a substantial amount that could have set me up for a stable future. I feel so betrayed and angry. I don’t know how to face her now. Should I forgive her or cut her off completely? What should I do?
Kindred Keri says:
I can’t begin to imagine the depth of hurt and betrayal you’re experiencing right now. It’s one thing to discover a hidden truth, but another to realise that someone you deeply trusted has taken something so valuable—not just the money itself, but the opportunity it represented for your future. Your mother’s actions have altered the trajectory of your life without your consent, and it’s entirely understandable that you’re reeling from this.
First, take a moment to let yourself feel everything—anger, grief, disbelief. You have every right to be upset and process this in your own time. Then, when you’re ready, consider what this betrayal has cost you emotionally. It’s not just about the financial loss but the erosion of trust and the strain this revelation has put on your relationship with your mother.
As for whether you should forgive her or cut ties, that’s a deeply personal decision that depends on several factors. Was there any genuine remorse or acknowledgement of wrongdoing when you confronted her? Has she tried to explain her reasoning or offer any attempt at restitution? It’s important to gauge her response, not to excuse her actions, but to understand if this is something she truly regrets or if she’s simply defending her decisions without regard for how they’ve hurt you.
Forgiveness, if you choose to extend it, doesn’t mean forgetting or allowing yourself to be taken advantage of again. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment. But that doesn’t mean you have to continue a close relationship with her, either. If you feel that this breach of trust has irreparably damaged your relationship, then creating boundaries—including distance—might be necessary for your well-being.
Consider seeking professional support through counselling or therapy. Having an objective party to help you navigate these emotions can be incredibly healing and may provide a clearer path forward.
For now, be gentle with yourself. Take time to process. And remember, whatever you decide—whether it’s working towards rebuilding some semblance of a relationship or choosing to step away—is okay. Your mother may have made selfish decisions, but how you choose to respond is entirely yours.
