Craving Connection or Chasing Validation?

In today’s digitally-driven world, social media is often celebrated as a space for connection. We follow our friends, share updates about our lives, and say we’re “keeping in touch.” On the surface, that seems true enough. But if we pause for a moment and gently examine our motives, many of us may notice something deeper—and perhaps more uncomfortable—at play.

We say we’re there to connect, but secretly, silently, we might be chasing something else: the thrill of a like. The validation of a view count. The subtle high that comes from a post performing well. And even if we don’t fully admit it to ourselves, we feel it. It’s there in the quiet comparison, the lingering disappointment when a post “doesn’t do as well,” and the quiet satisfaction when the numbers spike.

Why This Happens

There’s no shame in this. Social media platforms are designed—quite literally—to trigger our dopamine response. Likes, comments, shares… these digital breadcrumbs feel like approval. They offer a fleeting sense of worth and visibility. And in a world where many feel unseen or unheard in real life, that virtual applause can feel incredibly validating.

It’s not just about vanity—it’s about being human. We’re wired for belonging. We want to be loved, noticed, appreciated. Social media offers a shortcut to that feeling, even if it’s shallow or temporary.

But the danger comes when our self-worth gets tangled in these metrics. When the number of likes becomes a measure of our value. When the “connection” we’re seeking becomes a performance for others, rather than a genuine expression of self.

Signs You Might Be Caught in the Cycle

You feel anxious or low if your post doesn’t get much engagement
You find yourself checking your stats repeatedly throughout the day
You’re more focused on how something will look online than how it feels in real life
You compare your posts, looks, or life to others on your feed
You feel a rush of excitement from likes—but it fades quickly

If any of these resonate, you’re not alone. Most of us have been there, or are there right now. The good news is: you can gently untangle yourself from it.

How to Reclaim True Connection

Be Honest with Yourself. Start by acknowledging how social media makes you feel. Not with judgement, but with kindness. What are you really hoping for when you post something? Is it to be seen, heard, validated? That’s okay. Awareness is the first step to change.

Limit Your Metrics. If possible, hide like counts. Avoid checking analytics obsessively. Treat your online presence as an expression, not a competition. Remind yourself: your worth is not a number.

Create More Than You Consume. Focus on sharing from a place of joy or creativity, rather than performance. Let your posts reflect you, not just what you think people want to see. Limit scrolling if it leaves you drained.

Seek Offline Validation. Nurture the relationships in your real life. Meet a friend for coffee. Write someone a letter. Make a phone call. These slower, deeper connections feed your soul in ways the internet simply cannot.

Take Social Media Breaks. Even short breaks—a weekend off, or a screen-free evening—can help you reset your mind and mood. You might be surprised how much clearer you feel after stepping away.

A Gentle Reminder

You are not your profile. You are not your follower count. You are not the sum of your likes or the reach of your stories.

You are a human being—whole, complex, worthy—whether the world sees it or not. Real connection begins with presence, honesty, and care. When we choose those over performance, we find peace.

And perhaps, finally, true connection too.